


Venti Frappuccino and Your Number

by the_impardis



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Blatant use of the Peter Nureyev Alias Generator™, M/M, i would Die for Rita Lastname, queer culture is not knowing how to flirt with someone without very involved subterfuge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-04 02:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15832239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_impardis/pseuds/the_impardis
Summary: It wasn’t as though Juno worked at Starbucks because he liked the place. It wasn’t even like he liked their coffee to be honest. A corporation as big as that, with as much power as that? Someone, somewhere was getting taken advantage of, and Juno didn’t like it.But, he was getting paid to work there, so that was one reason he continued to come.The other reason was that goddamn customer.(Written for day 4 of Jupeter Week)





	Venti Frappuccino and Your Number

**Author's Note:**

> i started listening to this podcast less that a week ago and i'm invested, Scoob.
> 
> it took a lot of self control in the first damn episode not to check the wiki and ao3 coz i could sense that i was gonna go in deep

It wasn’t as though Juno worked at Starbucks because he liked the place. It wasn’t even like he liked their coffee to be honest. A corporation as big as that, with as much power as that? Someone, somewhere was getting taken advantage of, and Juno didn’t like it.

 

But, he was getting paid to work there, so that was one reason he continued to come.

 

The other reason was that goddamn customer.

 

Rita had teased him something fierce about it; not a week into his working there Juno had been rendered speechless by some vaguely teasing words from cupid-bowed lips, kohl-smudged eyes looking over glasses to give Juno an order with far more sugar than he believed should be in any drink. Juno had stuttered his way through the order, focussing more on the person in front of him than the cup, and only pulled himself to the coffee itself when he had enquired the customer’s name.

 

With a curl of their lips over perfect, vulpine teeth, “Rex,” threw down the gauntlet before Juno even knew what had happened.

 

“It means ‘king’, Juno,” the customer had said. “And I take my name as a creed to live by- control your name and you control yourself.”

 

Juno had only grunted in response and scribbled the three letters on his cup before moving on to the next customer.

 

And that was the end of that. Or it should have been.

 

A couple of days after, the customer had returned and maybe it was Juno’s imagination but his smile seemed to expand slightly when they locked eyes.

 

Ignoring the peals of laughter from Rita, Juno had pushed past her from the back to where customers gave orders, shouldering Alessandra out of the way, muttering something about changing shifts with her and come face to face again with his customer, who proceeded to order the same diabetes-inducing drink.

 

“And your name?” Juno had asked, already starting the ‘R’ in Rex when his customer threw a wrench in those plans.

 

“Perseus, thank you.”

 

Juno knew he hadn’t paused for as long as it felt, but it sure felt like he was stuck staring at this very attractive customer with complete confusion written on his face for a hell of a long time.

 

“I,” Juno started not knowing where the sentence was going to finish. Was it creepy if he remembered the customer’s name? Fuck it. “I thought last time you were here you said your name was Rex.”

 

Behind the glasses, “Perseus’s” eyes seemed to glimmer with laughter.

 

“I’m afraid you may have me confused with someone else, Juno. My name is Perseus Shah, a pleasure to meet you.”

 

The stranger extended a hand over the counter to offer to Juno, which he did not take.

 

“Sorry then, Perseus,” Juno said after a moment, rewriting the new name on the cup. “Your drink will be ready in just a moment if you can step to the side.”

 

And the rest of the shift had continued as normal. And again, Juno thought that was it.

 

Once is chance, twice is a coincidence.

 

The third time was what made it a pattern.

 

Juno didn’t even notice the third time his mystery customer had entered their store. He did, however notice Rita elbowing him in the gut and sounding like she was going to hyperventilate while pointing in the vague direction of the front counter. Taking that as some kind of cue, Juno switched places with her right in time to come face to face with the unfairly pretty customer who insisted he was not two people.

 

“Hi, what can I get you today?”

 

The same convoluted order. The same glint of recognition in the stranger’s eyes. The same beautiful mouth shaping its way around sounds that Juno thought he had heard before, but never like this.

 

“And the name for that order, sir?” Juno asked.

 

“Duke Rose, thank you my dear Juno.”

 

“Duke Rose, right. Of course it is. I suppose you just remind me of these other guys who’ve come in here before.”

 

“I must,” Duke said. It was really not fair how he seemed to be holding in laughter and still looking like this was his plan since the beginning. Hell, Juno thought, maybe it was.

 

The next few weeks went on the same way. Juno made drinks for Trinity, Ace, Wren, Atlas and Napoleon, and every time he questioned their name, the customer would just chuckle a bit under his breath and that made Juno forget what he was so caught up in for a second and that was just maddening to be honest.

 

It was more maddening when he talked to Rita about it.

 

“Oh yeah, Mista Steel,” she said in her one volume setting in the back room one day. “He’s so fun to talk with! Remember when I told you there was a marathon of Andromeda: The Chainmail Warrior on three nights ago and you told me that you didn’t watch that sensationalist garbage when it’s actually the greatest love story drama tragedy saga of our lifetimes, well I was just mentioning that to customers when you weren’t on and he had a lovely conversation with me about it. And also have you noticed how sugary his drink is? I think I would die if I drank that much sugar in one sitting, Mista Steel.”

 

“I don’t think you need anymore sugar in your system than you’ve got, Rita. What name did he use that time?”

 

“Oh he just used his real name. He always uses the same name when it’s someone who’s not you serving him. It’s kinda boring actually when I have shifts where you aren’t there. He acts like a little puppy that just got told it wasn’t dinner time for hours. And he doesn’t leave larger tips when you ain’t there.”

 

There was a lot of information to process in what Rita had just said. And Juno liked to think he was good at processing information. But his brain caught on the first sentence.

 

“Wait, wait, wait, Rita, you’re telling me he only makes up those names when I’m on?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“So you know his real name?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

Juno might have exploded slightly at that point. “What is it then?!”

 

Rita shook her head decisively at Juno, ignoring the increase in volume. Juno figured she was used to always being the loudest thing in a room.

 

“No can do, Mista Steel. I promised your mystery customer that I wouldn’t tell him your name.”

 

“And why the hell would you do something like that, Rita?”

 

“Because Franny and I have a bet over it. He says that he’ll give you his real name if you ask him outright and Franny thinks he’ll break before you do and just ask you to go out for dinner with him because you’re so good at avoiding your emotions and pretending that things don’t bother you when they clearly do, which _is_ true, but I think that you’ll ask him his name first, because you like solving mysteries and with the amount of time I see you spend staring at this guy I’m pretty sure you think he’s a mystery. Which is so sweet because if this is true love like I think it is then you’ll have such a sweet story to tell your grandchildren when you get old and sit in big armchairs telling stories all the time.”

 

What correct response was there for that?

 

Juno didn’t have it.

 

“Okay then Rita,” he finally said. “I think I’m going to finish my break now. I’ll see you out there when you’re done here.”

 

He needed time to think. Away from Rita, away from the bet she apparently had going with Franny, and most importantly, away from this mystery customer that allegedly was just toying with Juno but also wanted to go out for dinner with him.

 

Unfortunately, Juno didn’t have a good track record with the universe helping him out when he needed it, so almost as soon as he had exited the backroom, the front door had swung open and in walked the one person Juno was hoping not to see.

 

The customer with a thousand names.

 

He smiled when he saw Juno.

 

Juno grit his teeth. Then got an idea.

 

“Hello Juno, lovely morning isn’t it?”

 

“It’s fine. What can I get you?”

 

“The usual, please.”

 

“For sure. And for what name?”

 

The customer smiled wider than usual. “Christopher, thank you.”

 

“Excellent. If you can step to the side, your drink will be ready in a moment.”

 

When Juno glanced back toward the kitchen, Rita was staring at the two of them with her mouth agape and eyes full of stars.

 

Luckily for Juno, this meant she didn’t see him scribbling a message on the cup as he made ‘Christopher’s’ order. She was flitting between the two men’s faces instead.

 

Juno brandished the cup towards his customer, who went to exchange a handful of bills and coins for it. As the transaction began, Juno felt his fingers brush against those of his customer. He determinedly did not blush, but somehow the customer seemed to sense that there was a lot of willpower going into that decision. Without looking away, Juno raised his other hand for the money and felt when it was deposited in his hand.

 

Then, since he wasn’t looking, he dropped it on the counter, breaking the spell.

 

“Shit, sorry about this,” Juno had said tearing himself from the dark eyes in front of him, already starting to sweep the stray coins off the counter into his hand beneath. “Have, umm, have a good day I guess.”

 

The stranger glanced at the mess in front of him, and the small paragraph written on his cup. “Good day, Juno. I hope I’ll see you again soon.”

 

“So do I,” Juno replied, still looking flustered as he went to open the cash register.

 

With that, ‘Christopher’ walked out with his drink, and Juno resisted the urge to fist pump in the middle of the store.

 

He funnelled the coins into the register and glanced at what he had nabbed and kept in his hand under the counter. An ID card from the customer who had just left. The ball was in his court now.

 

By 6:30 that evening Juno was getting nervous. He had written to meet him after his shift had finished outside the Starbucks, but that was before he had stolen ID from the customer to find out their name and potentially ruined what was just friendly public-service-worker banter. With these thoughts swirling around, Juno didn’t even notice the man standing next to him until he cleared his throat, causing him to start.

 

“Good evening, Juno,” the mystery man had said.

 

Juno turned to face them. Even in the brisk air, there was some warm, woody scent coming from somewhere that seemed to make him feel toasty inside. And he recognised the beautiful, vexing profile of his customer.

 

“Hey. I’m glad you met me. I was worried that you wouldn’t show up.”

 

Those fox-like teeth peeked out in a grin again. “And miss you to returning my library card to me? I couldn’t risk that. Especially when I was offered dinner as compensation.”

 

Juno reached down to his coat pocket to grab the card back, but it wasn’t there. When he looked over, it was caught between the fingers of the man beside him, being held like they were playing high stakes poker. It kind of felt like they were.

 

“Thank you for returning it, by the way. I admit, I had almost left the premises when I realised you had taken it. I was impressed.”

 

“Umm, thanks, I guess?” Juno said. He felt like the stranger beside him was holding all the cards in their exchange. Which, to be fair, he was. “And I guess thanks for not calling the police on me for stealing from you.”

 

“Not at all. I didn’t think the chances of having dinner with you would improve if I had to have it within the police department. The food there is quite terrible.”

 

Juno chuckled at that, then caught himself. “I’m glad you were able to think that far ahead then.”

 

The man smiled back at him, then shifted so he was staring straight at the street again. “So, would you be interested in having dinner with me, now that all that mystery is gone?”

 

Juno felt like he was not holding all the cards. But the other man seemed just as nervous. So he went all in.

 

“If anything, it will be much easier to pay the bill now that I know my date’s name.” He grabbed his hand and smiled. “After you, Peter.”

**Author's Note:**

> i oscillate between wanting rita and franny to be gal pals, and wanting rita to be single so i can be a gal pal with her.
> 
> also as far as i'm concerned that thing the morning after doesn't happen in canon because i actually cried and no thank you


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